We finished our Whole30 and just LOVE, love, love the results. I lost 12 lbs and Dave lost 13. We have tons of energy and just all around feel wonderful. But…
Truth talk. My body has been a mess for years. And I fear that my quest to figure out just what in the world was causing the break down, has (or will), make you, my friends, think I’m a flake. Or that I’ll try any fad or new fangled eating plan that comes to town. That’s so not the case though. And sometimes, yeah well, most the time, I feel alone in my quest to fix my broken body. But maybe you do too? Maybe you’re frustrated and confused and just want health and vitality, like I do. So, I’m going to open up and share a little about my journey.
It all started with a picture. If you can believe it. Yep. One simple pop of a camera flash and an email attachment later, and my life was forever changed. All stories start somewhere, and mine, well… starts with this.
Looking at it makes me so incredibly sad. Not in a body shaming, self-loathing type of way. But look at that girl. She’s smiling, she’s meeting one of her favorite musicians – Chris Tomlin, she’s about to sit in the front row of a very small, exclusive concert event, but she’s so, so sad. Can you tell by her eyes? It’s because she’s uncomfortable in her own skin and her body just hurts, all the time. It really breaks my heart to have to stare at it.
Opening up that photo from my email the next day will always burn in my mind as a completely life-changing moment. I kind of wish I had a photo of me LOOKING at this photo. But that’s probably some waaaaay too Matrix or Inception level stuff.
I had gained 70 lbs in something like 5 years. And the last 30 of that 70 came on really fast and suddenly. I was living alone in Florida, working towards dreams that Dave and I had planned out, but we were 900 miles apart and it was taking it’s toll on me. I worked a lot at the new cupcake shop I had opened and had little free time. I spent a lot of late nights alone baking cakes in a secluded kitchen at the Emerald Grand and so meals were fast-food. I’d grab something at a restaurant down by the shop, then go back to work until midnight or later. I’d call Dave on my drive back to the condo and it would make me even more sad because I missed him. So I’d go through the drive-through at Taco Bell or Wataburger and grab second dinner in the wee hours of the morning. Then we’d have a phone date while I ate and just got sadder and sadder. Eventually we’d hang-up, and on a good night, I’d pass out for a few hours before having to get up and do it all over again. On a bad night, I’d cry myself to sleep because I missed him, and everyone else in my family – but I was living the dream, wasn’t I? Building a business, baking for famous people, creating a future and a name for myself. But at what price?
I had horrible acid reflux. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, choking on it. I had plantar fasciitis so severely that I was in horrible pain whenever I walked – despite trips to the podiatrist. My heart would race at night, to the point I was paranoid I’d die in my sleep and no one would find me. Ugh. My scalped itched and burned – it was covered in scabs from all the itching! I had a toothache and needed a root canal. I had bad headaches every couple of days. Oh, and after a health screening at sacred heart, they told me my bone density was alarmingly low for someone my age. Cool.
Despite all that, it was this darn picture that was the turning point. It flipped a switch in me and I realized that the food I was eating was killing myself and I needed to stop. Plus, I mean, put on a bra girl and do something with those roots!
I started with my plantar fasciitis because I knew I couldn’t work out well or even walk the neighborhood without getting that under control. I read something about it being caused by inflammation which sent me on hours long research sessions on the subject. What was it? What did it cause? How serious was it? And most importantly, how do you stop it because the 8-12 ibuprofen the doctor had prescribed for me wasn’t causing it to go down. I discovered that there are 8 inflammatory foods.
Yep, 8 foods. They cause inflammation in everyone, regardless of allergies or diseases. Gluten was on that list, so I started there. Within 30 days of removing it from my diet, my plantar fasciitis was gone, as were my scalp issues. So I started baking only gluten-free baked goods which gave me more free time, but eventually killed my business because the demand wasn’t high enough. (That’s okay! Story for another time.)
I made a friend in my condo building and she and I started walking miles and miles every evening. I lost some weight. I took some pride in my appearance again, even if I didn’t love what I saw. I got my root canal. I started cooking at home again and learned to take traditional recipes and make them healthier. I read more than I watched tv. I took an interest in myself and understanding my body and it really changed everything.
From there I kept improving and losing weight. I saw a Naturopathic Doctor who took a full blood panel and helped me create a plan that addressed other issues I was having, internally. (My good cholesterol was low, blood sugar was slightly elevated, I was deficient in several key vitamins and minerals.) I made friends with a super-talented athletic trainer and juice bar owner and she started making me cold-pressed juice to replace my meals 2 days a week. At one point I did a two week cleanse with her guidance and looked and felt so good!
Guys, it was such a long, long journey! Whew, you’re still here reading after all that?! I haven’t lost weight as fast as I had hoped, but I have lost a significant amount from where the girl in the picture was weighing in – almost 40 lbs gone. More importantly to me though is my blood work. Its looking so good. My deficiencies are gone. My blood sugar is normalized. And… I’m happy.
My point through all this is that, health is a journey. It’s not often a fast journey, or an easy one either. There have been times when I allowed doctors to put me on medicines for things that I didn’t fully understand. So I spent hours doing research and trying to find things that would allow me to go off those medicines and choose the natural way. I’ve tried low carb and keto. I’ve tried grain-free, gluten-free, dairy free – and all for different reasons and based on hours of, yeah, you guessed it, research. There’s merit to each and every one of those lifestyles, depending on the end-goal. I’ve become incredibly in-tune with my body and what it does and does not appreciate me putting into it. (That doesn’t mean I don’t sometimes make the wrong choice – I definitely still do.) But I still come back to what I believe is right and healthiest for me at this time.
I hope that, whatever your health journey is, you know you’re not alone. Life is tough. People get fat. They get unhealthy (and newsflash – you don’t need to be fat to be unhealthy!) They make bad choices. Life gets messy sometimes. As long as we learn to love ourselves and make better choices every day, we are on the right track. And by better, I don’t mean that you should make the choices I am. I mean, you do what’s better for you. If that’s a keto lifestyle, go for it (but for the love of butter, please, please eat more veggies and less salami and cheese???) If that’s low carb, vegetarian or gluten-free… whatever it is, if you feel good when you do it and you’ve done your research, then go all the heck in for it! I’m here for you and fully support you – just like so many of you have done for me.
I just really wanted to share part of my story for those of you who’ve been around a few years and watched me try ALL THE THINGS. I appreciate you very much.
But, we’ve got to come full circle and get back to the picture. This picture – this crazy, awful, picture also makes me smile. Shortly after this photo, Dave asked me to marry him and GUYS – it was when I was at my lowest point in life. When a guy loves you despite the 70 lbs you’ve gained since he first met you, he’s a keeper. When he loves you even though your body appears to be breaking down, he’s THE ONE. When he loves you, unconditionally, based on your heart, your passion and drive, your friendship and the life you can build together, when he loves you for all that, not your outside appearance, that’s the guy. I’m so lucky to have him. 🙂
Onward and upward!
-Stacey