In case you didn’t know this already, I’m fiercely independent. Cue the chuckles from my hubby and mother as they realize I chose the words “fiercely independent” over adjectives like “stubborn,” “strong-willed,” etc., etc., – you get the picture. I’m nothing if not self-aware, okay? I know I’m all those things and then some. But to be honest, I love that about myself.
Every adjective used to describe someone has a good side and a bad side to the trait. But I feel like as a kid when people described me with those words, it was always in such a negative connotation. As if I should drop those traits from my personality altogether. But those very traits are the ones that have allowed me to be, well… me. My stubbornness comes in handy when we are determined to level-up in business and I need to work long hours and days with laser focus. My strong-will has been a good thing when times have been tough and I forged forward, despite pain and hardship. And my fierce independence, it’s what keeps me from following the crowd when I’m certain that a new and different path is the right one – regardless of what anyone thinks or says. I will not be swayed from that new, unique, different path. That, my friends, is fierce independence at its finest.
Those things are not to be removed from a personality. They should be honed and shaped for greatness. I’m not a parent so this is in no way a judgement on parenting. Obviously, I was a stubborn child and the only way to keep a sense of order in the house was teach me not to be stubborn in a negative way and to have respect for my family’s rules. That’s not what this blog post is about at all. It’s more about the things we carry with us into adulthood. Maybe a comment from a respected adult has hung around with you for years and you don’t even realize how it’s impacting your self-esteem. That’s where I’m at today.
I started thinking recently about all the negative words people have used to describe me throughout my life. And the more I thought about those things, the more I realized that those traits are really who I am. And that they do indeed have a flip side that is positive. Here are a few of mine, and what the dictionary has to say about them in a positive way.
Stubborn: Fixed or set in purpose or resolution. I’m focused when I need to be. When I decide to go after it, I do it.
Big-boned: Strong bone structure. Translate that to mean I’m not frail. I’m strong. I’m proud to be strong.
Fat: Well-fed. Translate that to, I’m a DANG fine cook, y’all! Ha.
Mouthy: Bombastic. Yeah – no clue either. It means high-sounding or pretentious. You can translate pretentious in a less negative way to “feeling of importance.” That exact feeling has given me the boldness to speak up for myself, many many times. As a young woman in business, that’s been so important and helped me become successful and not be afraid to enter a world where many thought I was too young to belong in yet.
Talkative: Gabby or Articulate. Guys – you’re reading my blog. (I’m still so grateful to anyone who reads!) But if I wasn’t able to articulate what I feel, I wouldn’t be able to write.
Strong-willed: Decisive. Making decisions is an enormous part of life! We all make thousands of them in a day. The ability to make them with confidence is a gift.
Fiercely independent: not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself. That one is my absolute favorite.
Bossy: Commanding and authoritative. Hey, someone has to be in charge, don’t they? A ship without a captain is just a ship afloat.
I feel like you get the point. It was such an interesting and uplifting exercise to look up the negative adjectives in my life and to look for the beauty in those words. And not just the words themselves, but the literal actions you take and how you operate within those traits/words. If I am still a little too bossy, I know I can work on being more authoritative in a positive way. And maybe I am really stubborn sometimes, and not in a positive way – but that’s just a chance for me to grow and learn when to be fixed and focused and learn when I need to be flexible and yielding.
I don’t know if this speaks to anyone out there, but if you have some negative words floating around you, maybe you could take a few minutes to look them up on dictionary.com. Search through the meanings. Look at the synonyms and related words. I promise there will be a positive connotation in there somewhere. Words are so, so powerful. But you’re in charge of what kind of power they have over you.
As always, it’s a journey. So glad to know so many of you are out there on that journey with me. I’ve been humbled and blessed by all your comments each week and your own stories. Thank you so much for the inspiration you are. Life is so busy and it’s nice to take the time to write and reflect – it’s even nicer knowing you sweet people are reflecting right along with me.
We’ve got a little bit of warmth and sunshine today here in Florida so I’m heading off to one of our many beautiful state parks to take a nice little hike with Dave. Happy Sunday!
-Stac
David Miller says
I let you be bossy when its warranted :). Wouldn’t have it any other way. Determined is what I call it, and that’s a good thing.