Wow. What a complete and total roller coaster we’ve been on this week. From down to up to back down again. I woke up in the middle of the night last night and just lay there, thinking about how at this time last week, we had so much hope. Now it’s all just a complete and total question mark.
For those who haven’t heard, our two embryos didn’t make it past day 4. On day 3 they stopped developing and then began to deteriorate. Many people are told to expect to have to do IVF again, if they don’t collect enough eggs, because, like I explained last time, it’s really somewhat of a numbers game. For most people.
But our Doctor called us yesterday morning to go over what really happened to our embryos and what we should do next. The best way I can explain it is to tell you that when creating a baby, there are 50 things that have to go right on the moms side, and another 50 that have to go right on the dad’s side. In our case, about 48 things are broken on my side, and about 48 things are broken on Daves side – translate that to we are not a great match for creating little Miller babies.
Sadly, this isn’t the kind of thing they can always tell from the initial tests that they put us through. Some of the much more complex aspects of infertility can only be assessed from doing a round of IVF and then having some further information. If we simply needed more eggs (higher odds), they could hopefully achieve that by upping my medical protocol. But in our case, there are more steps than that. At one point in the conversation our Doctor told us that “It makes sense for many couples to do multiple rounds of IVF, but for others, it just doesn’t.” We are part of that other.
He did give us the steps involved if we’d like to try one more time. It would cost MORE this time than last time… which was already way more than anyone should have to spend to have a baby. Don’t even try to google that figure, y’all. I guarantee whatever you find online, it’s probably double that.
So the question on our minds at this point, is do we want to spend that kind of money again, when the things they’re telling us don’t give us a high level of confidence in the procedure for us, at this point. We have a lot to prayerfully consider. One thing is certain though, the science of baby-making has come so far and we feel grateful to even have had this opportunity, despite it’s unfavorable outcome.
We felt we owed you all an update, after you were so kind to offer up prayers and support for us this week. We felt the love from each and every one of you and are so grateful. We are going to take some time to process everything and decide what’s next for the Miller household. I especially want to thank those of you who sent me special messages about your own story. Each and every one of those stories has been so encouraging in it’s own way. Thank you.
I plan to spend my day crossing some big projects off my to-do list and then tonight we are going to dinner with my Grandparents, Karen and Clay. Dave won a gift certificate to Four Winds last year in a listing contest at our office and we plan to use it for endless amounts of crab legs on the Saturday Seafood buffet with two of our favorite elders! Enjoy your weekend, everyone.
Much Love,
-Stac