Adoption Update
I have written this update approximately 10 times and then deleted it. I feel like our friends and family are tired of the sad news from us – and I don’t blame any of them. I wouldn’t want to read sad stuff all the time either. I also hate to write a post like this because I fear that it makes it seem like we don’t have faith or believe in miracles. We absolutely do. However, the facts are currently the facts and we just need to share them with you all. You deserve an update since you’ve been so supportive and full of prayer and love for us and this journey.
We hoped China would re-open travel for adoptive families and so far, it has not. There are approximately 400 families matched to children in China who would like to travel. But despite numerous efforts over the last (almost) 2 years that involved the state department, the Chinese ambassador, etc. there has been zero word from the Chinese government when they will resume China adoptions. The agency within China (CCCWA) that managed adoptions issued a statement in January 2021 that basically said they appreciate adoptive families and want to maintain a healthy international adoption program. But no similar statements have come from the actual powers that make the decisions over there. Based on my understanding, the CCCWA doesn’t have any power to resume anything, as they are working for the President of China and his personnel. And again, despite numerous efforts on multiple fronts, he hasn’t addressed US-China adoptions at all which has led some to assume that adoptions have become a bit of a political pawn.
China has decided to allow the Bejing 2022 olympics, however it is closed to spectators. For reference, there are something like 7,000+ people that will be allowed in for the olympics to take place. But the 400 adoptive families still can’t travel to bring home children. The olympics announcement felt very disheartening to a group of us adoptive families who have been watching Chinese politics and US/China relations. While we still maintain hope that China/US adoptions will resume someday, we don’t believe it’ll be anytime in the near future.
Many of you know that Dave and I have been on a journey to start our family for a very, very long time. After struggles with infertility treatments that failed, we moved into a China adoption and now that seems to be at an indefinite standstill. What many of you don’t know, is that several countries will not allow us to adopt from them due to David’s age. For many countries, 45-50 years of age is the cutoff for adoptive parents. Dave is over the age threshold for the majority of programs. We have been offered the opportunity to switch to a few other countries but are told we would need to accept a sibling group of 3-4 children at a minimum.
We applied for a sibling group of 3 sisters, and were told that because they were too “desirable” of a group (all very healthy with no special needs) that we wouldn’t qualify because of David’s age.
We have spent months and weeks working through the emotions and trying to make an educated, yet heartfelt decision. Meanwhile, we very much love our China match, Indie. She’s a sweet little soul and deserves a family. We’ve decided to keep our file open with her indefinitely. Whether it’s 2 years, or 7 years, we will continue to wait for her until China comes out and says YES, come get her, or they officially end the adoption program. But for some insight into what we have had to sort through emotionally – part of the picture is that if we were to release her file, she could potentially be adopted from within China. She’s pretty healthy, compared to many children within that system, and she might appeal to someone locally. We often wonder if by holding on to her file indefinitely, if we are hindering her from finding another loving family. We also spend lots of time talking about whether we should continue to send her letters and videos for her to attach to us. We hate for her to become attached deeper with us, only to never meet us and experience that kind of heartbreak. This has not been an easy decision to navigate.
But because we do have a lot of love to give and always wanted more than one child, we are working to put our file with a private adoption agency and try to get on the list for a baby here in the United States. Many people don’t know this, but newborn baby adoption is a hard road to pursue here. They come up few and far between, and often adoptive families are left heartbroken at the last minute because the birth mother decides to keep her child after it’s been born. We feel we have been through enough tough stuff over the last several years that we can endure a few more tough circumstances if it brings us to our future children.
And because this has taught us never to put all your eggs in one basket, we are also in the midst of taking the Indiana required classes to become eligible to adopt from their older child waiting list.
We do not know what will come out of any of these avenues. But we are going to pursue them all and just see what road opens before us. Sometimes the best things are the most unexpected. We know there is a family out there for us!
Thank you all for loving us through so much sad stuff the last several years. It makes it a tiny bit easier knowing people are praying for us and rooting for us to find a family. Thank you all.
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, eat lots of mashed potatoes and soak up all the family/friend time you can get.
Love,
Stacey